Is challenging behaviour thus named because it is challenging to the individual experiencing it; challenging to the individuals who encounter it; or because it makes participating in desired roles and goals more challenging? Either way, it's a subject that divides many on the best way to manage it...
A wise OT (although all OTs that I meet prove to have generous measures of wisdom) once told me that it is folly to expect even adults to manage challenging emotions on their own. The lesson in this wisdom was that even adults rely on others (friends and family) and things (ice-cream, chocolate or exercise!) to manage strong emotions, like anger, disappointment or jealousy. Thus, expecting children to process, manage and resolve challenging emotions without BUCKETS AND BUCKETS of assistance from you is destined for failure.
This is where Dan Siegel's book 'The Whole-Brain Child' comes in - it provides strategies that are easy to understand, backed by scientific theory and complement the strengths-based model we employ in individual occupational therapy. Don't stop reading - this is not a summary nor a book review (although Look, I love the book enough to do both). Dan's book introduces us to the idea that if we understand (and in doing so aim to integrate the logical left and the emotional right sides) the whole of our children's brain we are better able to support them in not only experiencing and managing those challenging emotions but also will empower them to live full and balanced lives. These are the (much much abridged) intricacies of (a very small bit) Dr Dan's written word:
Connect and Redirect:
Connect to the right (emotional) side of the brain by using your emotions to demonstrate to your child empathy and understanding. Then redirect to the left (logical) side of your child's brain by using logic to reason and rationalise with them. Dr Dan acknowledges that during instances of inappropriate behaviour (e.g. if your child is being disrespectful, hurting someone, throwing things), you may need to stop the behaviour, remove your child from the situation and then connect and redirect. He continues on to point out that to ensure your child is more receptive to the lessons that are to be learnt, that it is generally a good idea to discuss misbehaviour and it's consequences once your child has calmed down (which is true of adult disagreements too!). The authors provide simple sketches that help understand what this strategy may look like in action:
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's developing mind. Brunswick, Vic.: Scribe Publications
Name It To Tame It:
This one is challenging even for me as an OT; no one wants to see a child upset and it often feels like a easier option to distract them with a toy or iPad than it is to sit with them while they experience challenging feelings. However, Dr Dan vouches for the neuroscience behind this strategy and emphasises the need to do so to support your child in their long-term development. He explains how you can help your child to manage their emotions by supporting them to understand and process what they are feeling. Talk through and name the feelings (the right side) and discuss what happened (the left side) so your child can tame how they feel and make sense of what is happening. Dr Dan tells us that kids often need someone to help them make sense of what is going on when they experience strong emotions; this is what naming and taming it does - it allows your child to understand themselves, what they are feeling and how what is going on around them has impacted that (it's the same science and cathartic experience that occurs when adults journal).
The authors once again provide a beautiful comic that depicts a situation that we may encounter at home. It is a further credit to them that they can make a complex concept beautifully simple and easy to understand:
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's developing mind. Brunswick, Vic.: Scribe Publications
As mentioned - this is a very, very abridged summary. My favourite part of this whole book is that the authors recognise how hard managing challenging behaviours are, and recognise that there are times when it is just too difficult to employ these strategies. There are many many more wisdoms that the authors share throughout the book, and as those who know me know I can NEVER suppress my love for a good book (sorry hubby), and thus can't promise there won't be one or two more posts powered by my love of The Whole- Brain Child.
Olivia